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Another Great Headline

"60 Elvis Impersonators Flee Fire Alarm" -- Telegraph (UK), Oct. 25, 2011

I guess the hunka hunka burnin' love got out of control.

By the way, it happened in England, not Vegas.
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Great Headline

"Breast Milk Sprayed at Cops in Alleged Drunken Assault by Ohio Woman, Who Apologizes" ---, June 28, 2011

The story is, I assure you, every bit as revolting as the headline suggests.
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Still Another Great Headline

"Elephant has Sex with a Car"
-- The Sun (U.K.), February 26, 2011

It happened in a South African game preserve. The object of desire was a VW Passat.
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Another Great Headline

"Police search for Moron"
-- (Denver, Colorado)

This story is out of Aurora, Colorado, where an intensive manhunt is underway for a career criminal named...Moron. Joseph Moron, to be exact. He is described as a 35-year-old white male with brown hair and brown eyes. He's 5'9" and weighs 205 pounds.

Should you  Read More 
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Kidnapped by Space Aliens

Richard Galpin of the Moscow bureau of the BBC News reports today that Kirsum Ilyumzhinov, president of Kalymkia and president of the World Chess Federation, has claimed he was kidnapped by visiting space aliens, who took him aboard their craft as part of a mission to procure "samples". Precisely what kind of samples is  Read More 
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Great Headlines

"Openings Expected in Mass. School Stabbing Trial" -- Associated Press, April 12, 2010

"Giant Leech with Teeth Found in Peruvian Girl's Nostril" -- WOLF-TV (Orlando, FL.) April 15, 2010

"The Thought of Making Love to Larry King Is Enough to Make Your Hair Stand on End" -- Daily News (NY), April 16, 2010

"Satan Was Given One Too Many Chances"  Read More 
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Channeling Hemingway/The Great Boobquake

Headline from Agence France-Presse:

"Extramarital Sex Fuels Earthquakes: Senior Iran Cleric" -- April 17, 2010

Naturally this is the fault--so to speak--of women. On my next visit to the gynecologist, I'll ask him to check my tectonic plates.

UPDATE: In response to Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi's proclamation that immodestly dressed women cause earthquakes by leading  Read More 
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More Great Headlines

"Adolf Hitler Nude Sketch for Sale" -- Daily Telegraph (London), February 26, 2010

"Earth Under Attack from Death Star" -- Sun (London), March 12, 2010

"Is It Safer to Sleep with a Cow or a Bat?" -- Toronto Sun, March 20, 2010

"Chickens Seized During Routine Iowa City Traffic Stop" -- Gazette (Cedar Rapids), March 23, 2010

"Killer Icicles Terrorize Russians" --  Read More 
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Born to Be Wild

"Nursing Home Residents Form Biker Gang" --, February 23, 2010

The junior member of the gang is 65; the senior member is 97.
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What's the Matter with Toledo?

A true bumper crop of great headlines can be found today (February 22, 2010) at, a news site:

"Man Caught Having Sex with Table Gets Six Months"

"Enraged Toledo Woman Just Wanted McNuggets"

"Police Find Dismembered Body Eaten by Dogs"

"Pistol Whipping at Toledo Chuck E. Cheese"

"Marco's Pizza Delivery Turns Violent"

"Lady  Read More 
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