Susan Kelly

"Industry Sees Few Changes with Dicks Calling the Shots" -- National Journal, February 12, 2010

I can't stop laughing.

The "Dicks" in the headline is Norm Dicks, D-Wash, the incoming chair of the House Defense Appropriations Subcomittee. The headline makes perfect sense if you know that, but still...do editors do this sort of thing deliberately?

"Dog Finds Cocaine in Battery of Pickup Truck" -- El Paso Times, January 26, 2010

"Gang of Turkeys Terrorizes Athens Neighborhood" -- Florida Times-Union, January 28, 2010

"Savage Beagles Terrorize East End" -- New York Post, January 31, 2010

"Swordfish Attack Angolan Pipeline" -- Reuters, February 2, 2010

"Iran Sends a Mouse into Space" -- Daily Telegraph (London), February 3

"Stalker Pheasant Terrorizes  Read More 

From the Associated Press, by way of the San Francisco Chronicle, January 26, 2010:

"Man Caught at Airport with 44 Lizards in His Pants"

This happened in Christchurch, New Zealand. The contraband lizards were skinks and geckos. No word on whether the latter tried to sell anyone auto insurance.

"Australian Police Baffled by Spate of Cucumber Thefts" -- Independent (Ireland), August 12, 2009

"Biscuits Injuring Millions of Britons" -- Metro (London), September 8, 2009

"Boston Celebrates Marshmallow Fluff" -- Boston Globe, September 26, 2009

"Secret Worcestershire Sauce Recipe Found" -- Daily Telegraph (London), November 2, 2009

"Papaya Receives Sex Change Operation" -- LaboratoryEquipment.com, November 3, 2009

"Hunt for Undamaged Beets Continues" --  Read More 

"Colo. Man Comes Home, Finds Squatter in Underwear" -- Billings Gazette (Montana), Nov. 17, 2009.

"Body Discovered in Prince George's Trash Compactor" -- Washington Post, Nov. 17, 2009.

"Hell's Angel Finds God at Bottom of Bottle of Booze" -- Foxnews.com, Nov. 20, 2009.

"Origin of Species Found in British Toilet" -- News.com.au, Nov. 23, 2009.

"Methuen Woman Says She  Read More 

The New York Post, which gave us the immortal "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar," outdid itself again today (December 29, 2009) with its headline about the terrorist who tried and, happily, failed to blow up a jetliner bound from Amsterdam to Detroit by means of an explosive-packed set of underdrawers: "GREAT BALLS OF FIRE."

"Rockville Police Shoot Jesus" -- WRC-TV (Washington), Dec. 1, 2009.

"'Elf' Jailed After Threat to Blow Up Santa at Georgia Mall" -- Foxnews.com, Dec. 3, 2009.

"Cocaine Found in Man's Chicken" -- Washington Times, Dec. 4, 2009.

"Georgia Death Row Inmate Dies" -- Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Dec. 7, 2009.

"Pa. Police Arrest Amish Man in Buggy for DUI" -- AP, Dec. 9, 2009.

"Shirtless  Read More 

"Jesus Christ Dumped from Jury Pool for Disruption" --- USA Today, Dec. 2, 2009

A woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ was dismissed from juror service for behaving badly in an Alabama courthouse.

The article notes that "Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful."

From CNN, today: "Galileo's Fingers Found in Jar."

Apparently one of Galileo's teeth was in the jar as well.

Well, this article title--it's from the August 13, 2009, issue of New Scientist--wins my award for Headline of the Day, or possibly of the week, or the year.

I had thought the article would be about some archaeologist exhuming Cleopatra's breast implants, but no...it turns out that boobies are a species of gannet that made  Read More