If the cable stations went wild with the disappearance of Natalee Holloway, the Internet went insane. In the summer of 2005, dozens of online forums devoted to "discussion" of the case sprang up like mushrooms (and toadstools) after a summer rain. Many of them are still in existence.
By the end of the summer of 2005, virtually all of the boards had abandoned any vestige of neutrality and divided themselves into ardently pro-Natalee camps and ardently pro-Joran camps. The flakier spokespeople for either side appeared to be in competition to see who could devise the most outlandish "solution" to the case. After nearly five years, the honors in the loony-explanations-of-what-happened-to-Natalee freestyle go to the Joranites.
Joran's supporters, who refuse to entertain the notion that their young hero had anything to do with Natalee's disappearance, have proposed that she:
1. Was spirited alive out of Aruba on a medical evacuation plane.
2. Came to a bad end at the hands of a relative.
3. Became a real-life pirate of the Caribbean.
4. Was kidnapped by South American guerillas who never bothered to ask for a ransom or a political concession because they like hauling useless hostages around with them for years on end. This theory was proposed by an individual who claimed profound expertise in Latin American affairs.
5. Got herself to Colombia and joined a tribe of indigenous peoples, apparently because she thought it would be cute to reenact "Sheena, Queen of the Jungle." This theory was proposed by an individual who claimed to have a friend in Colombia who'd seen Natalee in situ, and he was trying to get together the money to buy a disposable camera to send to the friend so the friend could photograph Natalee. I am not making this up.
6. Is in somebody's harem in the Middle East.
There is, of course, absolutely no evidence to support any of the above. But if you're committed to the belief that Joran van der Sloot had nothing to do with Natalee's disappearance, then any alternate theory, no matter how demented, will do.
My friend Morris T. Murray, the Sage of Baltimore and a veritable repository of Natalalia, has suggested that the aggregate of these theories deserve a website of their own: www.anybodybutjoran.com
My candidate for Best Web Theory of What Happened to Natalee? Citizen Reporter Jeff Goldstein, at www.proteinwisdom.com/?p=4749, posits that "Natalee Holloway was most likely trampled to death by a large ostrich."
I think he's joking.
By the end of the summer of 2005, virtually all of the boards had abandoned any vestige of neutrality and divided themselves into ardently pro-Natalee camps and ardently pro-Joran camps. The flakier spokespeople for either side appeared to be in competition to see who could devise the most outlandish "solution" to the case. After nearly five years, the honors in the loony-explanations-of-what-happened-to-Natalee freestyle go to the Joranites.
Joran's supporters, who refuse to entertain the notion that their young hero had anything to do with Natalee's disappearance, have proposed that she:
1. Was spirited alive out of Aruba on a medical evacuation plane.
2. Came to a bad end at the hands of a relative.
3. Became a real-life pirate of the Caribbean.
4. Was kidnapped by South American guerillas who never bothered to ask for a ransom or a political concession because they like hauling useless hostages around with them for years on end. This theory was proposed by an individual who claimed profound expertise in Latin American affairs.
5. Got herself to Colombia and joined a tribe of indigenous peoples, apparently because she thought it would be cute to reenact "Sheena, Queen of the Jungle." This theory was proposed by an individual who claimed to have a friend in Colombia who'd seen Natalee in situ, and he was trying to get together the money to buy a disposable camera to send to the friend so the friend could photograph Natalee. I am not making this up.
6. Is in somebody's harem in the Middle East.
There is, of course, absolutely no evidence to support any of the above. But if you're committed to the belief that Joran van der Sloot had nothing to do with Natalee's disappearance, then any alternate theory, no matter how demented, will do.
My friend Morris T. Murray, the Sage of Baltimore and a veritable repository of Natalalia, has suggested that the aggregate of these theories deserve a website of their own: www.anybodybutjoran.com
My candidate for Best Web Theory of What Happened to Natalee? Citizen Reporter Jeff Goldstein, at www.proteinwisdom.com/?p=4749, posits that "Natalee Holloway was most likely trampled to death by a large ostrich."
I think he's joking.