Another Great Headline

October 25, 2011

Tags: Great Headlines

"60 Elvis Impersonators Flee Fire Alarm" -- Telegraph (UK), Oct. 25, 2011

I guess the hunka hunka burnin' love got out of control.

By the way, it happened in England, not Vegas.

Great Headline

June 28, 2011

Tags: Great Headlines

"Breast Milk Sprayed at Cops in Alleged Drunken Assault by Ohio Woman, Who Apologizes" ---, June 28, 2011

The story is, I assure you, every bit as revolting as the headline suggests.

Still Another Great Headline

February 25, 2011

Tags: Great Headlines

"Elephant has Sex with a Car"
-- The Sun (U.K.), February 26, 2011

It happened in a South African game preserve. The object of desire was a VW Passat.

Another Great Headline

January 20, 2011

Tags: Great Headlines

"Police search for Moron"
-- (Denver, Colorado)

This story is out of Aurora, Colorado, where an intensive manhunt is underway for a career criminal named...Moron. Joseph Moron, to be exact. He is described as a 35-year-old white male with brown hair and brown eyes. He's 5'9" and weighs 205 pounds.

Should you (more…)

Kidnapped by Space Aliens

May 5, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

Richard Galpin of the Moscow bureau of the BBC News reports today that Kirsum Ilyumzhinov, president of Kalymkia and president of the World Chess Federation, has claimed he was kidnapped by visiting space aliens, who took him aboard their craft as part of a mission to procure "samples". Precisely what kind of samples is (more…)

Great Headlines

April 22, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

"Openings Expected in Mass. School Stabbing Trial" -- Associated Press, April 12, 2010

"Giant Leech with Teeth Found in Peruvian Girl's Nostril" -- WOLF-TV (Orlando, FL.) April 15, 2010

"The Thought of Making Love to Larry King Is Enough to Make Your Hair Stand on End" -- Daily News (NY), April 16, 2010

"Satan Was Given One Too Many Chances" (more…)

Channeling Hemingway/The Great Boobquake

April 21, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

Headline from Agence France-Presse:

"Extramarital Sex Fuels Earthquakes: Senior Iran Cleric" -- April 17, 2010

Naturally this is the fault--so to speak--of women. On my next visit to the gynecologist, I'll ask him to check my tectonic plates.

UPDATE: In response to Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi's proclamation that immodestly dressed women cause earthquakes by leading (more…)

More Great Headlines

April 15, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

"Adolf Hitler Nude Sketch for Sale" -- Daily Telegraph (London), February 26, 2010

"Earth Under Attack from Death Star" -- Sun (London), March 12, 2010

"Is It Safer to Sleep with a Cow or a Bat?" -- Toronto Sun, March 20, 2010

"Chickens Seized During Routine Iowa City Traffic Stop" -- Gazette (Cedar Rapids), March 23, 2010

"Killer Icicles Terrorize Russians" -- (more…)

Born to Be Wild

February 23, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

"Nursing Home Residents Form Biker Gang" --, February 23, 2010

The junior member of the gang is 65; the senior member is 97.

What's the Matter with Toledo?

February 22, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

A true bumper crop of great headlines can be found today (February 22, 2010) at, a news site:

"Man Caught Having Sex with Table Gets Six Months"

"Enraged Toledo Woman Just Wanted McNuggets"

"Police Find Dismembered Body Eaten by Dogs"

"Pistol Whipping at Toledo Chuck E. Cheese"

"Marco's Pizza Delivery Turns Violent"

"Lady (more…)

Super-Great Headline

February 13, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

"Industry Sees Few Changes with Dicks Calling the Shots" -- National Journal, February 12, 2010

I can't stop laughing.

The "Dicks" in the headline is Norm Dicks, D-Wash, the incoming chair of the House Defense Appropriations Subcomittee. The headline makes perfect sense if you know that, but editors do this sort of thing deliberately?

Great Headlines: Birds and Beasts

February 9, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

"Dog Finds Cocaine in Battery of Pickup Truck" -- El Paso Times, January 26, 2010

"Gang of Turkeys Terrorizes Athens Neighborhood" -- Florida Times-Union, January 28, 2010

"Savage Beagles Terrorize East End" -- New York Post, January 31, 2010

"Swordfish Attack Angolan Pipeline" -- Reuters, February 2, 2010

"Iran Sends a Mouse into Space" -- Daily Telegraph (London), February 3

"Stalker Pheasant Terrorizes (more…)

Great Headlines Redux

January 26, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

From the Associated Press, by way of the San Francisco Chronicle, January 26, 2010:

"Man Caught at Airport with 44 Lizards in His Pants"

This happened in Christchurch, New Zealand. The contraband lizards were skinks and geckos. No word on whether the latter tried to sell anyone auto insurance.

Great Headlines: Comestibles

January 9, 2010

Tags: Great Headlines

"Australian Police Baffled by Spate of Cucumber Thefts" -- Independent (Ireland), August 12, 2009

"Biscuits Injuring Millions of Britons" -- Metro (London), September 8, 2009

"Boston Celebrates Marshmallow Fluff" -- Boston Globe, September 26, 2009

"Secret Worcestershire Sauce Recipe Found" -- Daily Telegraph (London), November 2, 2009

"Papaya Receives Sex Change Operation" --, November 3, 2009

"Hunt for Undamaged Beets Continues" -- (more…)

Great Headlines: Found!

December 30, 2009

Tags: Great Headlines

"Colo. Man Comes Home, Finds Squatter in Underwear" -- Billings Gazette (Montana), Nov. 17, 2009.

"Body Discovered in Prince George's Trash Compactor" -- Washington Post, Nov. 17, 2009.

"Hell's Angel Finds God at Bottom of Bottle of Booze" --, Nov. 20, 2009.

"Origin of Species Found in British Toilet" --, Nov. 23, 2009.

"Methuen Woman Says She (more…)

Best. Headline. Ever.

December 29, 2009

Tags: Great Headlines

The New York Post, which gave us the immortal "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar," outdid itself again today (December 29, 2009) with its headline about the terrorist who tried and, happily, failed to blow up a jetliner bound from Amsterdam to Detroit by means of an explosive-packed set of underdrawers: "GREAT BALLS OF FIRE."

Great Headlines: Crime and Punishment Division

December 29, 2009

Tags: Great Headlines

"Rockville Police Shoot Jesus" -- WRC-TV (Washington), Dec. 1, 2009.

"'Elf' Jailed After Threat to Blow Up Santa at Georgia Mall" --, Dec. 3, 2009.

"Cocaine Found in Man's Chicken" -- Washington Times, Dec. 4, 2009.

"Georgia Death Row Inmate Dies" -- Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Dec. 7, 2009.

"Pa. Police Arrest Amish Man in Buggy for DUI" -- AP, Dec. 9, 2009.

"Shirtless (more…)

Yet Another Great Headline

December 3, 2009

Tags: Great Headlines

"Jesus Christ Dumped from Jury Pool for Disruption" --- USA Today, Dec. 2, 2009

A woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ was dismissed from juror service for behaving badly in an Alabama courthouse.

The article notes that "Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful."

Another Great Headline

November 23, 2009

Tags: Great Headlines

From CNN, today: "Galileo's Fingers Found in Jar."

Apparently one of Galileo's teeth was in the jar as well.

"Extinct Boobies Return from the Dead"

August 13, 2009

Tags: Great Headlines

Well, this article title--it's from the August 13, 2009, issue of New Scientist--wins my award for Headline of the Day, or possibly of the week, or the year.

I had thought the article would be about some archaeologist exhuming Cleopatra's breast implants, but turns out that boobies are a species of gannet that made (more…)

Selected Works

“This book is, quite simply, remarkable journalism and remarkable writing.”
--Robert B. Parker
"Taut with suspense...crackles like a bestselling novel." -- Barry Reed, author of The Verdict
"Susan Kelly's maiden mystery is fresh and free-spirited with lively characters, snappy dialogue...and a suspenseful plot." -- Washington Post
“Spinetingling... noteworthy... brings the horror of being a victim into sharp focus.”
--Publishers Weekly
“Thought-provoking... a gritty, bittersweet story with added depth and dimension.”
--Publishers Weekly (starred review)
"A page-turner with action and suspense." -- SSC Booknews
"A winner for fans of literate, witty mysteries." -- Tony Hillerman
"The Summertime Soldiers has love, sex, and murder and most of all, a heart." -- Boston Herald